How did You become a Dominatrix?

* A note on the use of the word “men:” By “men,” I mean primarily cis-gendered, male-identified persons who have had neither cause, nor reason, nor compunction to question their [gender] identity and place in the world.

** In this essay, I extend the word “Women” to a much broader subset of humans, to include cis-Women and all gender-non-conforming persons, especially those who have experienced hardship or disenfranchisement on the basis of their gender. It is a convention used in this essay only for the sake of simplifying communication about a focused topic. It may be problematic in its own right, but that topic is beyond the scope of this treatise.

How did I become a Dominatrix?

I was not a stripper, I was not a model, I was not an actress. (But much respect to those Women.) And I was not a man-hater. I was a Feminist, and working at a university in Boston. And I met Princess Kali.

In life, I was taught to treat men and Women equally. I followed this mantra religiously, but it turns out that I secretly – and only *mildly* consciously – harbored a desire to do much more. It turned out that what I wanted was to right the injustices leveled historically against Women, by subjugating men, themselves – by letting them get a taste of their own medicine. However, this was not a socially acceptable view, and having been committed to fairness in life in general, I did not even let Myself think it. But that changed when I met Princess Kali.

In college, I had experienced a similar volte-face with respect to race and class relations. I was painfully aware, for example, of the historical injustices leveled against queers, non-whites, and the poor in the U.S. and worldwide, but the only socially acceptable response to those historical injustices was, essentially, to politely insist on equal treatment. In those college years, I came to know some people who proposed more radical measures for restoring racial, sexual, class, and social justice. These friends were gung-ho about rubbing historical and present-day injustices in the faces of the rich, white, and/or straight – they insisted that the privileged classes be confronted with the severity of the injustices of their actions. When you live in a privileged class, it’s all too easy to live ignorantly and in a way that allows you to believe that things are peachy now. Things are far from peachy to this day.

It was a relief to meet these friends. I was awakened. I wasn’t even *aware* that I’d had such strong views on these things. Of course, I knew that I had *always* felt these injustices deeply (even as a child, they used to make Me cry, sometimes for hours), but I was so entrenched in the rhetoric of “collaboration” (a tactic, I now realize, the system uses to perpetuate the control of disenfranchised people) that I dared not think of more hostile tactics as even an option. But when I met these friends, for the first time in My life, something rang true. Something that felt deeply JUST.

And so it was no surprise that when I met Princess Kali shortly *after* college, the rhetoric of Female Superiority (the radicalness of which was analogous to My friends’ radicalness on race/class/sex/gender relations) struck a chord with Me. I no longer had to cow-tow to a bullsh*t rhetoric of equality when Women (and other historically disenfranchised genders and sexual orientations) continued to be treated like inferior entities. (I can’t even really say “citizens” or “people,” because when we are being disrespected, we are usually treated like neither.) I suddenly had a vision delivered to Me of a world where men’s unfortunately sex-driven urges could be kept in check – a world that might actually be based on justice, fairness, and order – not acquisition, competition, and violence – all motivators, mind you, that evolutionary scientists consider to be driven by the need to procreate.

That, and Kali’s life of being served and pampered constantly without the need for socially required gratitude (and without further subjugating either women or working-class people) sounded pretty damn good. I never felt comfortable having a housekeeper because it felt weird to create a class division within My own house, positing Me as superior to another human being whom I viewed as actually equal, particularly because it would frequently be another immigrant Woman, like Me (never mind the “it’s a good, paying job” argument). But to posit Myself as superior to a typically white, and typically affluent, older male – well, that was no problem.

I do not consider Myself a gender essentialist – I do not think that men are necessarily *inherently* (that is, biologically) and thus *inevitably* driven by their libido and thus incorrigibly base and idiotic. But for whatever reason, the world over (though there are notable exceptions), men seem to be culturally inculcated to behave like animals. Partly out of respect for My own gender non-conformity and for other gender non-conformists, and partly because of some of the wonderful men I’ve known over time, I hold out more hope for men than to be a gender essentialist. I believe men are capable of superseding their baser instincts. Why so many more Women seem to have more highly-evolved intellects than men, I do not yet know. But I don’t believe our understanding of neuroscience and biology is either sophisticated or nuanced enough to create a complete enough picture of this problem that is biologically based but isn’t also subject to the usual fallacies about the brain and sex/gender.

As a result of My refusal to buy into gender essentialism (because it is the same thing that has kept Women down – “Women are inherently X, Y, or Z, therefore they are incapable of A, B, or C”), I am not a man-hater. I do not hate men. I simply recognize their limitations. And I encourage them to aspire to greater goals.

However, given My recognition of those limitations, I identify as a Female Supremacist. By and large, Women as a group behave with more integrity and more intellect – even if they are doing terribly depraved and base things, like f*cking everything in sight in the kinkiest of ways. This engenders in Me a greater *overall* respect for Female-identified persons, including non-cis-gendered, non-Woman identified people. Have I met Women, transfolk, and other non-male genders who suck? Sure. But by and large, their majority is way, way cooler, more aware, and more enlightened than the majority of cis-men.

So that lands us here: squarely in the Empire of Female Supremacy. I believe Women (and non-cis-gendered persons) are superior to men not because I hate men, but because I recognize men’s limitations. It is My hope for humankind that men will someday stop getting in their own way. Until that day, I and other Women like Me will continue to rule over them and use them to our benefit and advantage. Welcome to My world.

3 thoughts on “How did You become a Dominatrix?

  1. Mistress May Donme

    Well written interesting piece. Similar to my own views. Primarily I became a Dominatrix to keep us females on top and to keep men in check by exercising our control over them.

  2. Harry Durken

    Very nice essay. The best explanation of what you are and why I have ever read. I am considered an “alpha” male but of course you know it’s a facade. Early in my life I was was properly trained. My man pig nature led me to her mother, who used me as her training person. Eventually it was no longer sex for me, but only for her. That was many years ago. Even though I have never gone back to what I was before “she” enlightened me, I will admit only to a Professional I back slide. Many times women expect me to do certain things and behave a certain way, weaker women demand I dominate them, force things on them. This is counter to what I became and thus struggle with many women. When I do find that strong and all knowing women, I feel free to please her in any way she requires and wants to explore.

    Now after reading about you, and having to look in ward again, I feel compelled to reach out to you. Perhaps, I can finally be forced to face my all my fears regarding sexuality that socity engrains in us and you can remove them from me once and for all.

    Regards,

  3. admin Post author

    Thanks, Harry. One important thing to note is that just because a Woman seeks to be dominated, or to be sexually submissive, it does not in the LEAST mean She is “weak.” Submission takes a great deal of strength – it is a feat to be comfortable in one’s vulnerability. This requires not only strength, but also trust – in oneself, and one’s partner. Do not take it lightly when a person gives that kind of trust to you.

    Of course, you may prefer to be the submissive, yourself, which is fine for you to assert – but don’t accuse others of being weak because they are not into the kink you’re into. Submissiveness must never be mistaken for weakness.

    You should reach out to Me via the ‘Schedule a Session’ page if you’d like to discuss in greater detail.

    Best,
    Princess